Jane’s Blog

七情六欲
编:ansen
醉了吧反正清醒更断肠
无理去原谅你被叛
算了吧反正有你更孤独
你不会知道遗忘有多难
给你的心不要你还痛不要你偿
陪你走过一段七情六欲全都品尝
爱你的苦不要你扛泪不要你挡
七情六欲打翻
笑著哭哭著笑去想你的模样
走了吗走到那都一样
你不肯搬出我心上
断了吗断了见面想不断
为何我总是为难我的慌

簡單的愛情　文/吳若權
要讓愛情簡單，最好的方法，就是精選適合的對象。

舉例來說：若彼此不了解、硬是要溝通，感覺對方想法太複雜，心靈的感應就顯得艱難
。又如：太在意別人品頭論足的評價，常讓我們忘了用最適當的方式?h付出，彼此互動
的方式太複雜，相處的模式就變得艱難。

We all know what anger is, and we’ve all felt it: whether as a fleeting annoyance or as full-fledged rage.

Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problemsroblems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life. And it can make you feel as though you’re at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion. This brochure is meant to help you understand and control anger.

What is Anger?

The Nature of Anger

Anger is "an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage," according to Charles Spielberger, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in the study of anger. Like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes; when you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of your energy hormones, adrenaline, and noradrenaline.

Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You could be angry at a specific person (Such as a coworker or supervisor) or event (a traffic jam, a canceled flight), or your anger could be caused by worrying or brooding about your personal problems. Memories of traumatic or enraging events can also trigger angry feelings.

Expressing Anger

The instinctive, natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats; it inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviors, which allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary to our survival.

On the other hand, we can’t physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us; laws, social norms, and common sense place limits on how far our anger can take us.

People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings. The three main approaches are expressing, suppressing, and calming. Expressing your angry feelings in an assertiveot aggressiveanner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn’t mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others.

Anger can be suppressed, and then converted or redirected. This happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behavior. The danger in this type of response is that if it isn’t allowed outward expression, your anger can turn inwardn yourself. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression.

Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments haven’t learned how to constructively express their anger. Not surprisingly, they aren’t likely to have many successful relationships.

Finally, you can calm down inside. This means not just controlling your outward behavior, but also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down, and let the feelings subside.

As Dr. Spielberger notes, "when none of these three techniques work, that’s when someoner somethings going to get hurt."

Anger Management

The goal of anger management is to reduce both your emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes. You can’t get rid of, or avoid, the things or the people that enrage you, nor can you change them, but you can learn to control your reactions.

Are You Too Angry?

There are psychological tests that measure the intensity of angry feelings, how prone to anger you are, and how well you handle it. But chances are good that if you do have a problem with anger, you already know it. If you find yourself acting in ways that seem out of control and frightening, you might need help finding better ways to deal with this emotion.

Why Are Some People More Angry Than Others?

According to Jerry Deffenbacher, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in anger management, some people really are more "hotheaded" than others are; they get angry more easily and more intensely than the average person does. There are also those who don’t show their anger in loud spectacular ways but are chronically irritable and grumpy. Easily angered people don’t always curse and throw things; sometimes they withdraw socially, sulk, or get physically ill.

People who are easily angered generally have what some psychologists call a low tolerance for frustration, meaning simply that they feel that they should not have to be subjected to frustration, inconvenience, or annoyance. They can’t take things in stride, and they’re particularly infuriated if the situation seems somehow unjust: for example, being corrected for a minor mistake.

What makes these people this way? A number of things. One cause may be genetic or physiological: There is evidence that some children are born irritable, touchy, and easily angered, and that these signs are present from a very early age. Another may be sociocultural. Anger is often regarded as negative; we’re taught that it’s all right to express anxiety, depression, or other emotions but not to express anger. As a result, we don’t learn how to handle it or channel it constructively.

Research has also found that family background plays a role. Typically, people who are easily angered come from families that are disruptive, chaotic, and not skilled at emotional communications.

Is It Good To "Let it All Hang Out?"

Psychologists now say that this is a dangerous myth. Some people use this theory as a license to hurt others. Research has found that "letting it rip" with anger actually escalates anger and aggression and does nothing to help you (or the person you’re angry with) resolve the situation.

It’s best to find out what it is that triggers your anger, and then to develop strategies to keep those triggers from tipping you over the edge.

Strategies To Keep Anger At Bay

Relaxation

Simple relaxation tools, such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery, can help calm down angry feelings. There are books and courses that can teach you relaxation techniques, and once you learn the techniques, you can call upon them in any situation. If you are involved in a relationship where both partners are hot-tempered, it might be a good idea for both of you to learn these techniques.

Some simple steps you can try:

• Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm; breathing from your chest won’t relax you. Picture your breath coming up from your "gut."

• Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as "relax," "take it easy." Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply.

• Use imagery; visualize a relaxing experience, from either your memory or your imagination.

• Nonstrenuous, slow yoga-like exercises can relax your muscles and make you feel much calmer.

Practice these techniques daily. Learn to use them automatically when you’re in a tense situation.

Cognitive Restructuring

Simply put, this means changing the way you think. Angry people tend to curse, swear, or speak in highly colorful terms that reflect their inner thoughts. When you’re angry, your thinking can get very exaggerated and overly dramatic. Try replacing these thoughts with more rational ones. For instance, instead of telling yourself, "oh, it’s awful, it’s terrible, everything’s ruined," tell yourself, "it’s frustrating, and it’s understandable that I’m upset about it, but it’s not the end of the world and getting angry is not going to fix it anyhow."

Be careful of words like "never" or "always" when talking about yourself or someone else. "This !&*%@ machine never works," or "you’re always forgetting things" are not just inaccurate, they also serve to make you feel that your anger is justified and that there’s no way to solve the problem. They also alienate and humiliate people who might otherwise be willing to work with you on a solution.

Remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix anything, that it won’t make you feel better (and may actually make you feel worse).

Logic defeats anger, because anger, even when it’s justified, can quickly become irrational. So use cold hard logic on yourself. Remind yourself that the world is "not out to get you," you’re just experiencing some of the rough spots of daily life. Do this each time you feel anger getting the best of you, and it’ll help you get a more balanced perspective. Angry people tend to demand things: fairness, appreciation, agreement, willingness to do things their way. Everyone wants these things, and we are all hurt and disappointed when we don’t get them, but angry people demand them, and when their demands aren’t met, their disappointment becomes anger. As part of their cognitive restructuring, angry people need to become aware of their demanding nature and translate their expectations into desires. In other words, saying, "I would like" something is healthier than saying, "I demand" or "I must have" something. When you’re unable to get what you want, you will experience the normal reactionsrustration, disappointment, hurtut not anger. Some angry people use this anger as a way to avoid feeling hurt, but that doesn’t mean the hurt goes away.

Problem Solving

Sometimes, our anger and frustration are caused by very real and inescapable problems in our lives. Not all anger is misplaced, and often it’s a healthy, natural response to these difficulties. There is also a cultural belief that every problem has a solution, and it adds to our frustration to find out that this isn’t always the case. The best attitude to bring to such a situation, then, is not to focus on finding the solution, but rather on how you handle and face the problem.

Make a plan, and check your progress along the way. Resolve to give it your best, but also not to punish yourself if an answer doesn’t come right away. If you can approach it with your best intentions and efforts and make a serious attempt to face it head-on, you will be less likely to lose patience and fall into all-or-nothing thinking, even if the problem does not get solved right away.

Better Communication

Angry people tend to jump tond act ononclusions, and some of those conclusions can be very inaccurate. The first thing to do if you’re in a heated discussion is slow down and think through your responses. Don’t say the first thing that comes into your head, but slow down and think carefully about what you want to say. At the same time, listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering.

Listen, too, to what is underlying the anger. For instance, you like a certain amount of freedom and personal space, and your "significant other" wants more connection and closeness. If he or she starts complaining about your activities, don’t retaliate by painting your partner as a jailer, a warden, or an albatross around your neck.

It’s natural to get defensive when you’re criticized, but don’t fight back. Instead, listen to what’s underlying the words: the message that this person might feel neglected and unloved. It may take a lot of patient questioning on your part, and it may require some breathing space, but don’t let your angerr a partner’set a discussion spin out of control. Keeping your cool can keep the situation from becoming a disastrous one.

Using Humor

"Silly humor" can help defuse rage in a number of ways. For one thing, it can help you get a more balanced perspective. When you get angry and call someone a name or refer to them in some imaginative phrase, stop and picture what that word would literally look like. If you’re at work and you think of a coworker as a "dirtbag" or a "single-cell life form," for example, picture a large bag full of dirt (or an amoeba) sitting at your colleague’s desk, talking on the phone, going to meetings. Do this whenever a name comes into your head about another person. If you can, draw a picture of what the actual thing might look like. This will take a lot of the edge off your fury; and humor can always be relied on to help unknot a tense situation.

The underlying message of highly angry people, Dr. Deffenbacher says, is "things oughta go my way!" Angry people tend to feel that they are morally right, that any blocking or changing of their plans is an unbearable indignity and that they should NOT have to suffer this way. Maybe other people do, but not them!

When you feel that urge, he suggests, picture yourself as a god or goddess, a supreme ruler, who owns the streets and stores and office space, striding alone and having your way in all situations while others defer to you. The more detail you can get into your imaginary scenes, the more chances you have to realize that maybe you are being unreasonable; you’ll also realize how unimportant the things you’re angry about really are. There are two cautions in using humor. First, don’t try to just "laugh off" your problems; rather, use humor to help yourself face them more constructively. Second, don’t give in to harsh, sarcastic humor; that’s just another form of unhealthy anger expression.

What these techniques have in common is a refusal to take yourself too seriously. Anger is a serious emotion, but it’s often accompanied by ideas that, if examined, can make you laugh.

Changing Your Environment

Sometimes it’s our immediate surroundings that give us cause for irritation and fury. Problems and responsibilities can weigh on you and make you feel angry at the "trap" you seem to have fallen into and all the people and things that form that trap.

Give yourself a break. Make sure you have some "personal time" scheduled for times of the day that you know are particularly stressful. One example is the working mother who has a standing rule that when she comes home from work, for the first 15 minutes "nobody talks to Mom unless the house is on fire." After this brief quiet time, she feels better prepared to handle demands from her kids without blowing up at them.

Some Other Tips for Easing Up on Yourself

Timing: If you and your spouse tend to fight when you discuss things at nighterhaps you’re tired, or distracted, or maybe it’s just habitry changing the times when you talk about important matters so these talks don’t turn into arguments.

Avoidance: If your child’s chaotic room makes you furious every time you walk by it, shut the door. Don’t make yourself look at what infuriates you. Don’t say, "well, my child should clean up the room so I won’t have to be angry!" That’s not the point. The point is to keep yourself calm.

Finding alternatives: If your daily commute through traffic leaves you in a state of rage and frustration, give yourself a projectearn or map out a different route, one that’s less congested or more scenic. Or find another alternative, such as a bus or commuter train.

Do You Need Counseling?

If you feel that your anger is really out of control, if it is having an impact on your relationships and on important parts of your life, you might consider counseling to learn how to handle it better. A psychologist or other licensed mental health professional can work with you in developing a range of techniques for changing your thinking and your behavior.

When you talk to a prospective therapist, tell her or him that you have problems with anger that you want to work on, and ask about his or her approach to anger management. Make sure this isn’t only a course of action designed to "put you in touch with your feelings and express them"hat may be precisely what your problem is. With counseling, psychologists say, a highly angry person can move closer to a middle range of anger in about 8 to 10 weeks, depending on the circumstances and the techniques used.

What About Assertiveness Training?

It’s true that angry people need to learn to become assertive (rather than aggressive), but most books and courses on developing assertiveness are aimed at people who don’t feel enough anger. These people are more passive and acquiescent than the average person; they tend to let others walk all over them. That isn’t something that most angry people do. Still, these books can contain some useful tactics to use in frustrating situations.

Remember, you can’t eliminate angernd it wouldn’t be a good idea if you could. In spite of all your efforts, things will happen that will cause you anger; and sometimes it will be justifiable anger. Life will be filled with frustration, pain, loss, and the unpredictable actions of others. You can’t change that; but you can change the way you let such events affect you. Controlling your angry responses can keep them from making you even more unhappy in the long run.

我們全部知道是什麼憤怒, 並且我們有全部感覺它: 是否作為暫短心煩或作為完全的憤怒。

憤怒是完全地正常, 通常健康, 人的情感。但當它失去控制和轉動破壞性, 它可能導致problems.problems 在工作, 在您的私人關係, 和在您的生活的整體質量。並且它可能做您感受好像您任憑變化莫測和強有力的情感的處置。這個小冊子被認為幫助您瞭解和控制憤怒。

什麼是憤怒?

憤怒的本質

憤怒是"變化在強度從溫和的激怒對強烈的憤怒和憤怒的精神狀態," 根據查爾斯・Spielberger, PhD, 專門研究憤怒的研究的心理學家。像其它情感, 它由生理和生物變動伴隨; 當您生氣, 您的心率和血壓像您的能量激素、腎上腺素, 和去甲腎上腺素的上升, 水平。

憤怒可能由外在和內部事件造成。您能是惱怒對一個具體人(譬如工友或監督員) 或事件(交通堵塞, 一次被取消的飛行), 或您的憤怒能由擔心或細想造成關於您的個人問題。創傷或觸怒的事件記憶可能並且觸發惱怒的感覺。

表現出憤怒

本能, 自然方式表現出憤怒將進取地反應。憤怒是對威脅的一個自然, 能適應的反應; 它_發強有力, 經常進取, 感覺和行為, 允許我們與和保護自己戰鬥當我們被攻擊。某一相當數量憤怒對我們的生存是, 因此, 必要的。

另一方面, 我們無法完全譴責在激怒或使我們困惱的每個人或反對; 法律、社會準則, 和常識地方極限在多遠我們的憤怒可能採取我們。

居於用途各種各樣的神志清楚和不自覺的過程應付他們惱怒的感覺。三種主要方法表達, 壓制, 和鎮定。表現出您惱怒的感覺用assertive.not aggressive.manner 是最健康的方式表現出憤怒。做這, 您必須學會怎麼做清楚是什麼您的需要, 並且怎麼得到他們遇見, 沒有傷害其他人。是斷言的不意味是有衝勁或demanding; 它意味是恭敬的你自己和其他人。

憤怒可能被壓制, 和然後被轉換或被改方向。這發生當您舉行在您的憤怒, 停止考慮, 和集中於正面事。目標將禁止或壓制您的憤怒和轉換它成更加建設性的行為。危險在這類型反應是如果它不被提供向外表示, 您的憤怒可能轉動inward.on 你自己。憤怒被轉動的內部也許導致高血壓、高血壓, 或消沉。

Unexpressed 憤怒可能製造其它問題。它可能導致憤怒病理性表示, 譬如被動進取的行為(間接地得到後面在眾人, 沒有告訴他們為什麼, 而不是面對他們正面) 或永久地似乎玩事不恭和敵對的個性。經常投入其他人下來的人們, 批評一切, 和作出玩事不恭的評論未學會怎麼建設性地表現出他們的憤怒。毫不奇怪, 他們不可能有許多成功的關係。

終於, 您能鎮定下來裡面。這意味著不僅控制您的向外行為, 而且控制您的內部反應, 採取跨步降低您的心率, 鎮定自己下來, 和讓感覺消退。

當Spielberger 博士筆記, "當無這些三個技術運作, 是someone.or something.is 去得到疼。"

憤怒管理

憤怒管理的目標是減少您的情感感覺和憤怒導致的生理激勵。您無法擺脫, 或避免, 觸怒您的事或人民, 亦不能您改變他們, 但您能學會控制您的反應。

您太惱怒嗎?

有測量強度惱怒的感覺的心理測驗, 多麼有傾向激怒您是, 並且多麼恰當您處理它。但機會是好的如果您有有憤怒的一個問題, 您已經知道它。如果您找到自己行動用似乎在控制和嚇唬外面的方式, 您可能需要幫助發現更好的辦法應付這情感。

為什麼某些人民比其他人惱怒?

根據傑瑞・Deffenbacher, PhD, 專門研究憤怒管理的心理學家, 某些人民比其他人真正地是更"易怒"; 他們比一般的人更加容易地和更加強烈地生氣。有並且那些不顯示他們的憤怒在大聲的壯觀的方式但是慢性地急燥和脾氣壞的。容易地憤怒的人民不詛咒和總不投擲事; 有時他們社會上讓步, 生氣, 或完全不適。

一般容易地憤怒的人們有什麼一些心理學家稱允差下限為失望, 簡單地意味他們認為他們不應該必須被服從對失望、不便, 或心煩。他們無法採取事在大步, 並且他們特別被激怒如果情況似乎以某種方法不公道: 例如, 被改正為較小差錯。

什麼做這人民這樣? 一定數量的事。一起因也許是基因或生理的: 有證據證明一些孩子是出生急燥, 易怒的, 和容易地憤怒, 並且那這些標誌是存在從非常童年年齡。另也許sociocultural 。憤怒經常被認為陰性; 我們被教, 它是所有不錯表現出憂慮、消沉, 或其它情感但不表現出憤怒。結果, 我們不學會怎麼處理它或建設性地開闢它。

研究並且發現家庭背景充當角色。典型地, 容易地憤怒來自家庭是破裂, 混亂, 和不熟練的在情感通信的人們。

是它好"讓它所有停留?"

心理學家現在說, 這是一個危險神話。某些人民使用這種理論作為執照傷害其他人。研究發現"讓它剝去" 充滿憤怒升級憤怒和侵略和實際上做□什麼幫助您(或人您是惱怒與) 解決情況。

這是最佳發現什麼是觸發器您的憤怒, 和然後開發戰略保留那些觸發器從打翻您在邊緣。

戰略保留憤怒在海灣

放鬆

簡單的放鬆工具, 譬如深深呼吸的和放鬆的成像, 可能幫助鎮靜下來惱怒的感覺。有可能教您放鬆技術的書和路線, 並且一旦您學會技術, 您能要求他們在任一個情況。如果您被介入在兩個夥伴是愛發脾氣的關係, 這也許是一個好想法使你們兩個學會這些技術。

您能嘗試的一些簡單的步:

• 呼吸深深地, 從您的膜片; 呼吸從您的胸口不會放鬆您。生動描述您的呼吸過來從您的"食道。"

• 慢慢地重覆一個鎮靜詞或詞組譬如"放鬆," "別緊張。" 重覆它對你自己當深深地呼吸。

• 使用成像; 形象化放鬆的經驗, 從或您的記憶或您的想像力。

• Nonstrenuous, 慢瑜伽像鍛煉可能放鬆您的肌肉和使您感受更加鎮靜。

每日實踐這些技術。學會自動地使用他們當您是在一個緊張的情況。

認知更改結構

簡單地投入, 這意味改變您認為的方式。惱怒的人民傾向於詛咒, 發誓, 或講話用高度反射他們的內在想法的五顏六色的術語。當您惱怒, 您認為可能得到非常誇大和過度劇烈。設法替換這些想法用更加合理那些。例如, 而不是告訴自己, "oh, 它是可怕的, 它是可怕的, 一切被破壞," 告訴自己, "它令人沮喪, 並且它是可理解的我讓煩惱對此, 但這不是世界的末端並且生氣不無論如何修理它。"

小心詞像"從未" 或"總" 當談論你自己或別人。"這!&*%@ 機器從未工作, "或" 您總忘記事"不是僅不精確的, 他們並且用於做您認為您的憤怒被辯解並且沒有方式解決問題。他們疏遠和並且欺凌也許否則是願意工作與您在解答的人。

提醒自己, 生氣不固定什麼, 那它不會使您感受更好(和願實際上使您感覺更壞) 。

邏輯擊敗憤怒, 因為憤怒, 既使當它被辯解, 可能迅速變得不合理。如此使用冷的堅硬邏輯在你自己。提醒自己, 世界是"不得到您," 您是正義的體驗一些日常生活粗礪的斑點。做這每次您感覺憤怒超越您, 並且它將幫助您得到更加平衡的透視。惱怒的人民傾向於要求事: 公正, 欣賞, 協議, 自願做事他們的方式。大家想要這些事, 並且我們是全部傷害和失望我們不得到他們, 但是惱怒的人民要求他們, 並且他們的需要不適應, 他們的失望成為憤怒。作為他們的認知更改結構一部分, 惱怒的人民需要發現他們的demanding 自然和翻譯他們的期望成慾望。換句話說, 說, "我比說會想要" 某事健康的, "我要求" 或"我必須有" 某事。當您無法得到什麼您想要, 您將體驗正常reactions.frustration, 失望, hurt.but 不是憤怒。某些惱怒的人民使用這憤怒因為方式避免感到疼, 而是那不意味創傷走開。

解決問題

有時, 我們的憤怒和失望由非常真正和逃不脫的問題造成在我們的生活中。沒有所有憤怒被誤置, 並且這經常是對這些困難的一個健康, 自然反應。有並且文化信仰, 每個問題有一種解答, 並且它補充說來我們的失望來發現這總不是實際情形。最佳的態度帶來給這樣情況, 然後, 不將集中在發現解答, 而是寧可於怎樣您處理和面對問題。

做一個計劃, 和檢查您的進展。決心給它您最佳, 而且不懲罰自己如果答復立即不來。如果您能接近它以您的最佳的意圖和努力和做嚴肅的企圖面對它正面, 您將是較不可能丟失耐心和分成有或無認為, 既使問題不得到立即解決。

更好的通信

惱怒的人民傾向於跳to.and 行動on.conclusions, 並且一些那些結論可能是非常不精確的。第一事做如果您是在一次熱烈的討論是減速並且認為通過您的反應。事, 僅減速不要說進入您的頭的第一和仔細地不要考慮什麼您想要說。同時, 仔細地聽對什麼另一人說並且花些您的時間在回答之前。

聽, 同樣, 什麼是部下的憤怒。例如, 您喜歡某一相當數量自由和個人空間, 並且您"重大其他" 想要更多連接和嚴緊。如果他或她開始抱怨您的活動, 不要報復由繪您的夥伴作為監獄看守、監獄長, 或信天翁在您的脖子上。

它是自然得到防禦當您被批評, 但不還擊。反而, 傾聽什麼是部下的詞: 這個人也許感到忽略和unloved 的消息。它也許採取很多患者問在您的部份, 並且它也許要求一些呼吸空間, 但不讓您的anger.or partner’s.let 討論轉動出於控制。保留您涼快的罐頭保留情況從成為一慘敗一個。

使用幽默

"傻的幽默" 可能幫助拆除憤怒的雷管用一定數量的方式。首先, 它可能幫助您得到更加平衡的透視。當您生氣和告訴某人名字或提到他們在某一有想像力的詞組, 停止和生動描述什麼那個詞逐字地會看起來像。如果您是在工作並且您認為工友作為"dirtbag" 或"單細胞生活形式," 例如, 充分生動描述一個大袋子土(或變形蟲細胞) 坐在您的同事的書桌, 談話通電話, 去與會議。做這每當名字進入您的頭關於其它人。如果您能, 畫什麼的圖片實際事也許看起來像。這將採取很多邊緣您的憤怒; 並且幽默可能總被依靠幫助unknot 一個緊張的情況。

高度惱怒的人民部下的消息, Deffenbacher 博士說, 是"oughta 去我的方式的事!" 惱怒的人民傾向於認為, 他們道德上正確, 阻攔或任何改變他們的計劃是一種不堪忍受的侮辱並且他們不應該必須遭受這樣。可能人民, 但不是他們!

當您認為敦促, 他建議, 生動描述自己作為神或女神, 一個至尊統治者, 擁有街道和商店和辦公室空間, 單獨大踏步走和有您的方式在所有情況當其他人順從對您。更多您能進入您虛構的場面的細節, 更多機會您必須體會您可能是不合情理的; 您並且將意識到多麼不重要您惱怒的事真正地是。有二小心在使用幽默。首先, 不要設法"笑" 您的問題; 相反, 用途幽默幫助自己更加建設性地面對他們。其次, 不要給苛刻, 諷刺幽默; 那是正義的其它不健康的憤怒表示的形式。

什麼這些技術有共同興趣是拒絕太嚴重採取自己。憤怒是嚴肅的情感, 但它由, 如果審查, 可能做您笑的想法經常伴隨。

改變您的環境

有時這是給我們起因為激怒和憤怒的我們的直接周圍。形成那個陷井的問題和責任可能稱在您和使您感受惱怒對"陷井" 您似乎下落了入和所有人民和事。

給自己一個斷裂。確定您有不少"個人時刻" 預定您知道特別緊張天的時期。一個例子是有一個常設規則的工作母親當她來自在家工作, 為了第一15 分鐘"沒人與媽媽談話除非房子著火。" 在這簡要的安靜的時間以後, 她感覺更好準備處理要求從她的孩子沒有炸毀在他們。

某一其他打翻為緩和在你自己

時間: 如果您和您的配偶傾向於戰鬥當您談論事在night.perhaps 您是疲乏, 或分散, 或這可能是正義habit.try 改變時代當您談論重要事態因此這些談話不把變成論據。

退避: 如果您的兒童的混亂室每次使您憤怒您走由它, 關閉門。不要做自己神色在什麼激怒您。不要說, "很好, 我的孩子應該清掃屋子因此我不會必須惱怒!" 那不是點。點將保持自己鎮靜。

發現選擇: 如果您的日報通勤通過交通把您在憤怒和失望, 授予狀態你自己留在project.learn 或映射在一條另外路線, 一個之外被充塞或更加風景。或發現其它選擇, 譬如公共汽車或市郊火車。

您需要建議嗎?

如果您認為您的憤怒真正地是出於控制, 如果它有衝擊對您的關係和對您的生活的重要部份, 您也許考慮建議學會怎麼處理它更好。心理學家或其它被准許的精神健康專家能工作與您在開發技術的範圍改變您認為和您的行為的。

當您與一位預期治療師談話, 告訴她或他, 您有有您要運作的憤怒的問題, 並且詢問他們的方法激怒管理。確定這是不唯一計劃被設計"投入了您在接觸以您的感覺並且明確them".that 也許精確地是是什麼您的問題。以建議, 心理學家說, 一個高度惱怒的人能搬走離憤怒較近的一個中間範圍在大約8 個到10 個星期, 根據情況和技術被使用。

怎麼樣斷言訓練?

它是真實的, 惱怒的人民需要學會變得斷言(而不是進取), 但多數書並且路線在顯現出的斷言是不感覺足夠的憤怒的瞄準的人民。這人民比一般的人被動和默許; 他們趨向讓其他人走到處他們。那不是某事多數惱怒的人民。但是, 這些書可能包含一些有用的戰術使用在令人沮喪情況。

記住, 您不能消滅這不會是一個好想法的anger.and 如果您能。竟管所有您的努力, 將導致您憤怒的事將發生; 並且這有時將是情有可原的憤怒。生活用失望、痛苦、損失, 和其他人的變化莫測的行動將被填裝。您無法改變那; 但您能改變您讓這樣的事件影響您的方式。控制您惱怒的反應可能保留他們從從長遠看使您更加怏怏不樂。

他是一位退休教授，跟老妻過著優游的生活，早上一起爬上小山崗舒展筋骨，下午他料理陽台的花草，又或看看雜誌，妻子則和朋友到咖啡室聊天。他們唯一的女兒， 在美國定居。

" 願 我 們 友 誼 永 固 , 天 天 快 樂 "!!

陈淑桦 李宗盛:你走你的路

如果你的生命注定无法停止追逐
我也只能为你祝福
如果你决定将这段感情结束
又何必管我在不在乎
如果我的存在只是增加你的痛苦
为何你不对我说清楚
莫非我早该知道我将要孤独
在我们相识的最初
你走你的路
直到我们无法接触
我也许将独自跳舞
也许独自在街头漫步
你走你的路
用我无法追赶的脚步
我也许将独自跳舞
也许独自在街头漫步

我也曾经想过回头寻找来时的路
心中的你已经太模糊
因为你能从我这里找到幸福
而我却总是让你哭
如果我们的爱已经成了彼此包伏
何不就让我们承认错误
因为我知道我终于将会孤独
在我们相识的最初…